To The Single Dad in the Store,

You have the most amazing hazel eyes I've ever seen. And the pinkest lips. They are what my friends and I would call "Insta-Kissable". The things I could do to those lips. Your kids also look cute. They look like monsters, but also cute. You are single right? Or are you one of those creeps that just doesn't wear a ring? You could be on the 'bangable dad' list. If such a list existed. I may or may not be a little tipsy as I write this. Thanks for nothing Captain Morgan. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that when you're in the veggie aisle at the store, you shouldn't just grab potatoes and melons from someone else's cart.

Your half Secret Admirer Nellie
P.S. If you want to know more, text me at the number on the back of this envelope.

To Nellie (whose name is not a secret),
First off, I'm not a creep. I am not married. I'm glad to hear I'm a bangable dad. I'm assuming that means you think I'm hot as well. I wish you would have handed me this note so I could have seen who you were, so I'd know if you had "insta-kissable" lips or "psycho" eyes. I don't know why I'm texting this message back to you. Maybe a little bit of curiosity. Though they do say curiosity killed the cat. Do you also have kids? Mine are a handful, but I love them. Send me a photo?

The Single Dad in the Store

P.S. My name is Steele